Professor Randomness
by MissLudenberg
Summary: A collection of one shots about when the Professor and co. gets a bit too random... first PL fanfic!THIS CONTAINS A LOT OF SPOILERS FOR PL3. IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED, YOU MIGHT NOT FIND IT FUN-AHEM. I mean, it might spoil the game for you.
1. The Annoying Fart

**Hello peeps! I am new to the Professor Layton area and I'm going through a PL phase right now... I'm going crazy about it!!! So anyway, here is my first story in PL! (Please don't be harsh, this is supposed to be a lot of fun!)**

Professor Randomness

_This is what happens when Professor Layton and co. gets a bit too random..._

1. The Annoying Fart

Luke sat in his bed one morning, racking his brains. He had been thinking all night and all day and all night and all day and-

"Luke my boy, are you alright? You seem to have something on your mind," The Professor stated, swinging his creaky bedroom door open.

Luke shook his head and grinned.

"Nope, nothing!"

The Professor mumbled something and then left the room. Luke scowled- he'd overheard the Professor say,

_Luke's an annoying fart._

Really, unbeknown to the young blue-clad apprentice, the Professor actually said _Cheese Toasties _but Luke grumbled anyway. The Professor had put him in a horribly bad mood today. Luke violently hopped out of bed, stubbing his pinkie toe on the railing in doing so, and slammed the door behind him as he stormed into the kitchen. Flora greeted him with a pleasant smile and a not-so-pleasant breakfast. Luke didn't care- he just slurped down the bowl of green porridge and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

"Now Luke, it isn't very gentlemanly of you to wipe your mouth with your sleeve!" The Professor corrected, sipping his cup of tea.

"Well it isn't gentlemanly of you to call me an annoying fart, you annoying fart!" Luke snapped, staring into space.

There was a complete moment of silence.

"Awkward!" Anton squeaked, appearing randomly out of nowhere.

All of a sudden, Klaus jumped out of the cupboard and yelled _Happy Birthday!!!_

"How long have you been in there?" Flora questioned, unmistakably puzzled.

"A few years now," Klaus answered and paused for a moment.

"Actually, when you get used to it, It's a nice little house!"

_BREAKING NEWS! LUKE CALLED THE PROFESSOR AN ANNOYING FART_

_"_Farts are stinky" Ralph Wiggum said.

"DUH! RALPH WIGGUM IS AN ANNOYING FART" Klaus screeched.

"WAAAAA" Ralph Wiggum cried, running out the room.

"I HAVE A POINTY NOSE!!!!!" Anton yelled.

...

"Chirrrp chirrrp" said a cricket.

...

"And the winner of Britain's Got Talent is..."

"BRUNOOOOOOO!!!"

"WHA-?!" Flora screamed, dropping the bowl of the mushy glop she called dinner on the kitchen floor.

All of a sudden, the house was covered in flames caused by Flora's 'dinner'.

"AHH!" Ralph Wiggum squealed.

"Hang on, I thought you left a moment ago..." Klaus said.

"Well, this reminds me of a puzzle!" Layton said, watching the flames burn his TV.

_A fat man fell out of the sky..._

"NO TIME FOR FREAKING PUZZLES, WE HAVE TO GO!" Klaus shouted, grabbing Flora by the arm.

"WAAA YOU HAVE DIRTY HANDS!!" Flora wailed.

"WAT DO YOU FREAKING EXPECT I'VE BEEN LIVING IN A CUPBOARD FOR THREE AND A HALF YEARS!"

The phone rang randomly.

Layton applauded himself for solving his own puzzle and answered it.

_Hello hello baby you called I can't hear a thing, i have got no service in the club y-_

"LAYTON?! IS THAT YOU?!" Don Paolo asked on the other end of the phone.

_Stop callin, stop callin I don't wanna think anymore-_

_"_LAYTON! STOP SINGING LADY GAGA!"

"Oh! That reminds me of a puzzle!"

"Professor! Professor, we have to g- (sees Layton in a bikini singing Telephone) WTF?!!!" Luke stood, dumbstruck.

"Now, Luke. A true gentleman never inturrupts one's conversations as so."

"BUT THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!"

"Is that so?" Layton remarked in disbelief, still singing.

Then, the flames burned the Professor's tea.

"NOOO MEH TEA!!!!!! MEH BEAUTIFUL TEA!!!!" The Professor cried, hanging up on Don Paolo and finally acknowledging the fact that his house was on fire.

"We must leave now!" The Professor stated (saying exactly what he said in the Pandora's/diabolical box)

"Umm, duh?" Luke said, running with the Professor on the way out.

They jumped out just in time.

"EDWARD CULLEN IS A VAMPIRE!" Luke cried.

"BLA! I WILL SUCK YOUR BLOOD!" Edward Cullen shouted.

"BLA! I WILL SUCK _YOUR _BLOOD!" Younger Anton shouted.

"LET'S HAVE A FENCING FIGHT!"

Luke sighed in relief as he watched the two 'vampires' fight eachother.

_Layton had forgotten all about the annoying fart thing, _He thought.

"Oh no Luke, I haven't forgotton about the annoying fart thing" Layton said.


	2. Count Layton

**Heyyooo! I am back, with the second One-Shot of Professor Randomness. MWAHHAHAHAHAHA*coughs*. So anyway, the next story is SpOoOokay! **_Luke: No it isn't! Me: Quiet you! _**So, thanks to all of my reviewers- couldn't of been bothered to write another if it hadn't been for you guys! (No, seriously). P.S this chapter is co-written with Luke. No. Seriously.**

Professor Randomness

2. Count Layton

**Heyyooo! I am back, with the secon- **

"GettingLuckyWithYou, didn't you already introduce this one-shot?" Asked Luke in a meek voice.

Oh yeah.

SOOOOOooooooo

Things were very quiet in the Layton household.

Too quiet even.

Luke was sleeping in his bed (thank goodness for that), Don was sleeping in his bed, Flora was snoring in her bed and Layton and Klaus were sleeping in their bed (Yeah, in this story they sleep together, got a problem with that?).

But some weren't even sleeping at two o clock in the morning, for instance, Legal stepping in dog poo or Ralph Wiggum picking his nose or Younger Anton and Edward Cullen still having that fencing fight from the last one-shot (Remember that one?)

But one individuals actions were worrying. They were Katia's, a pretty female of about 93 (I'm terrible at ages) with striking purple hair (Who the hell would be born with purple hair? "Umm... Katia?" Luke answered in MY brackets. Luke, if you wanna say something mean about people without them knowing about it, get your own brackets! "O-kay... humph..." Luke huffed).

Katia, the one with the striking purple hair was peering out of the window, out onto the illuminated garden. (Illuuuuuminated-I like that word!).

"Sigh" She sighed, sighing with a sigh.

(**That sentence was badly-written!)**

(Shut up Luke!)

(**You can't stop me 'cause I got my own brackets now!)**

"One day, my prince will come... Grandfather's always warbling on about Grandmother and Sammy really isn't that interested in me... Yeah, I like Sammy. He's funny. But a terrible singer."

Katia was interrupted by a small groan behind her. The groan sounded familiar but it wasn't familiar. Katia had heard it before, but not before... I'm not making sense.

She swiftly turned to face... Samara Morgan? (What the hell? That wasn't supposed to happen! I didn't write that!)

(**You didn't but I did! Mwahahaha!)**

(Luke? How did you start writing the story with me?)

**(Once you know how to start writing in brackets, you quickly learn how to write without brackets!)**

Katia blinked twice and the image of Samara dissolved quickly into the darkness (Take that Luke!). Now, the groan was loader, it wasn't even a groan anymore.

Katia searched into the dark, her surroundings of the Layton house turning into a castle with only lit-candles for sources of light. Katia could sense that the groan wasn't a groan-

It was an ear-piercing SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM.

(Luke, what was that for?)

(**Well, this story was becoming a little too serious so I added a little something to make it funny again)**

**(**Yeah, but you could of at least spelt 'scream' right!)

Gasp!

Flora had randomly appeared, dead at Katia's tootsies. The scream was hers (Flora's).

NOOOOOO!

**(GettingLuckyWithYou, does Flora have to die?)**

**(**Yeah)

NOOOOOO!

But the shocking part was, there was two bloodstained piercings in Flora's main artery.

"Oh no!" Ralph Wiggum whispered in shock before dying of something...mysterious...

Too mysterious.

All of a sudden, Klaus jumped out of a cupboard and yelled 'Happy Birthday!'. Again.

"Now isn't the time" Katia stated blankly, staring into space. She had just received a message from Winnie the Pooh that her Grandfather had died. She had a nervous breakdown immediately.

"No-NO! Not my Grandfather! I've only known him a few days! Why did he have to be old?" Katia wept.

Klaus's face fell. He grabbed a hold of his blue hat that he still had on for god knows how long and held it in respect for the dead ones. The dead ones and himself.

Because he was dead.

Layton had bit into his neck and drained the blood out of him.

Layton... was a vampire?

Soon enough, Katia was bitten herself. Layton showed no mercy. Nearly everyone was dead in Layton world.

And then then the world froze.

**(GettingLuckyWithYou? Where are you? This story is losing it's silliness and sense! Everything in Professor Randomness is becoming serious! Without you, everyone is dying of seriousness! Help! *Finds sticky note that says GettingLuckyWithYou has gone out walking her pet Caterpillar and won't be back for a few minutes.* WTF? Can you even walk Caterpillars for that matter? I guess I have write the end on my own then... Here I go)**

All of a sudden Bananas in pajamas came down the stairs and performed a dance to Tik Tok. While this was going on, the presumably dead characters leaped off the ground with eyes as red as blood. They were vampires themselves.

There was silence for a loooong second. Yup, you can have looooong seconds.

"You know how Vampires are perfect?" Flora piped up.

"Why yes, child. Vampires are perfect- that reminds me of a puzzle!" The Professor answered, warbling on about about three kittens and a giant squid.

"Anyway, if I'm perfect, then my cooking will be even more perfect!"

"It never was perfect" Simon mumbled bitterly .

"It never was edible!"

"Did you say something, Simon?" Flora questioned and suddenly the dark atmosphere of the castle changed around them and it was replaced by a bright and sunny kitchen.

"AHHHHHH! WHY THE HELL ARE WE IN A SUNNY KITCHEN!" Klaus screeched.

**(Perhaps 'cause I wanna make a vampire crispie out of Simon? Oh wait... he's not a vampire... and he's a robot...)**

The sun disappeared.

"Thanks, writer."

"You wouldn't burn up if you were a vampire like me!" Edward Cullen trilled.

"You're not even a vampire, Tinkerbell." Simon remarked bitterly.

So Flora moved a metre with her super-vampire-speed behined the luminous counters and used Edward Cullen's wand to magic up a setting of those rubbish cookery shows that you see on the television nowadays.

"Welcome to How To Cook Like A Vampire!" Flora smiled into the camera.

"Way to keep our identity secret" Klaus muttered.

YEARS LATER

Yes, years later Flora was finished. Either everyone died of boredom or they simply left the TV to have children with Squirrels. Layton and gang however, were still holed in the kitchen playing cards, all except for Layton who had difficulty solving his own puzzle.

"Got any two's?" Katia asked Ralph.

"Go fish! WAAAAA!" Ralph Wiggum ran out of the room, crying.

"FINISHED!" Flora cried in triumph, causing everyone's cards to fly out of their hands.

"Urrr... One problem dude!" Sammy Thundered **(Geddit? Sammy-Thunder? Ahahahahaha...ha...ha...haaaaaa)**.

"We're vampires! We can't eat human food!"

"I hadn't thought about that..." Flora thought.

"Hey y'all! I'll eat the cooking for ye!" Miley Cyrus said, grabbing the bowl of Flora's whatnot and eating it.

There was silence amongst the Layton gang for a moment.

Miley Cyrus blew up.

Which meant the kitchen blew up.

As for the vampires... well they jumped out and landed with a squish on the concrete.

"Why does every story end with my cooking nearly killing us all?" Flora wailed.

**(Aha! Finished! Whooo! Layton's apprentice strikes again!)**

(I'm back! Who knew that a Caterpillar could run at 99 mph? So what did I miss)

**(Hmmm, let's see- about EVERYTHING!)**

**So, once again, I hope you enjoyed this chappie of Professor Randomness and remember- Caterpillars run at 99mph! Oh yes, and remind me to thank Luke the next time I see him for writing the end... I'm actually a big fan of Miley Cyrus. Have a good day now and don't forget to press that lovely Review button below!**


	3. Who's Clive? New Year Special

**Hey guys, me again! It HAS been a long time so I decided I'd give you a HAPPY NEW YEAR present- another chapter! So, read, review and ENJOY! DISCLAIMER: I don't own Prof. Layton. I've started doing disclaimers now because _I_just realised that I don't own it... after all this time! By the way, there is LOTS of Flora/Clive in this chapter. Flive or Clora? I think Clora!**

Professor Randomness

3. Who's Clive? (New Year Special)

Professor Layton and the gang were sat in his apartment, drinking tea and solving puzzles like any other Friday. It was all silent until Luke suddenly cried: "ITS 2011 TOMORROW!"

"Luke, my boy, we all gathered that when we woke up a few hours ago. Must you realise it now?" Layton questioned and Luke slumped back in his seat.

So the atmosphere remained peaceful and quiet, just as Layton had requested. What a wonderful way to spend New Year's Eve.

Well, at least it stayed that way until Klaus jumped through the window and started running around in circles as if he were a dog.

*If I Were a Boy starts playing and all the guys sing along while the girls stare*

"STOP!" Layton cried and everyone turned to glare at him.

"LAYTONTIME!" He finished, breaking down on the dance floor.

Soon, the madness ceased, allowing Klaus to explain his reason for randomly jumping through the window.

"I wonder what Layton would do, if I were to die..." Klaus mused and Luke's eyes widened.

"WHAT? YOU CAN'T DIE!" Luke screeched, scampering over and hugging Klaus tightly.

"What are you suggesting, Klaus?" Layton asked with an expression of interest.

"OH IT'S HORRIBIBBLE!" Klaus suddenly bawled.

"I-I-I'M REPLACED! WITH THIS PERSON WHO'S BASICALLY PRETTY MUCH ME BUT WITH A DIFFERENT NAME!"

"What? You will never be replaced! You're super fit!" Anton exclaimed.

Everyone turned to stare at Anton this time.

*Insert awkward silence here*

Bruno: I got to meet Matt Cardle!

*Insert awkward silence here*

When Anton had mysteriously disappeared, Klaus continued with his ramblings.

"IT CAN'T END THIS WAY!" He screamed, just like he did in the Last Time Travel.

Flora consoled Klaus whilst Layton pondered how this could be possible. Klaus? Replaced? How could this be?

There was a sudden knock on the door which made Luke jump out of his skin.

Layton opened the door and welcomed the person who stood on the other side, before realising how that person looked exactly like Klaus.

"Klaus? How did you get over there? Did you steal the teleport?"

Layton felt a wave of nausea sweep in his stomach when he saw Klaus still crying by the smashed window.

"B-b-but? How? What? Who? Where? Why? What?" Layton stuttered before fainting in shock.

The mysterious Klaus-looking guy stepped through the door and over the body of the unconscious Layton.

"Hello."

Everyone stared at him in wonder. Even Klaus turned to the sound of his own voice emitting from someone else. Boy, there's been a lot of staring today.

"My name is Clive. I am the English/American version of you, Klaus." Clive cleared up everyone's questions.

Well, almost everyone.

"HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE?" Klaus wailed.

"I shall explain." Clive stated calmly.

"Some random people took me out of The Last Time Travel, changed my name, and put me in The Unwound/Lost Future. I didn't know how to adjust to my new name, but I did, and that's when I met Layton. Those who have played the game will know my story."

"NO! YOUR STORY IS MY STORY! YOU'RE ME! IT'S THE LAST TIME TRAVEL, NOT THE 'LOST THE UNWOUND FUTURE' OR SOMETHING!" Klaus protested, Flora patting his back and comforting him.

Clive nodded, fingering the rim of his newspaper boy hat. He straightened his tie and smiled a dazzling smile at Flora.

Her heart melted immediately and she dropped Klaus who landed on the floor with an OOMPH, and ran over to hug Clive. They shared a romantic moment before realising their age difference.

"I want to be with you, Clive." Flora whispered, staring into Clive's black eyes. She was amazed at how much Clive resembled to Klaus.

"IT'S JUST BEEN A MINUTE!" Klaus interrupted.

"Why ever can we not be?" Clive asked.

"Because, I'm like, 14, and you're like, 20 or something!" Flora answered.

"Well, Bella is 18 and Edward is 109!" Clive said.

"That would make Edward a pedo, as it would you" Flora dropped her hands from around him.

*STOP THE TIME A SEC*

_Random fact about this random story- I have mentioned Edward in all 3 chapters! This might as well have been a Twilight crossover...if I actually liked it!_

_*_START THE TIME A SEC*

"Wait Flora!" Clive called after her in his charming voice.

"Can we share this goodbye...with something magical?"

And with that, Clive and Flora made out while everyone averted their eyes.

"GOODBYE? THEY ONLY MET A MINUTE AGO!...this world doesn't make sense" Klaus felt unloved, so much that he felt himself disappearing from the English world.

Nobody actually cared that Klaus was gone, they were concentrating on Clive.

Luke, who snapped back to earth, had just realised that his crush was making out with somebody she had just met.

"FLORA!" He shouted, complete with a tarzan-like cry, grabbing Flora away from Clive.

Clive narrowed his eyes.

"Guys, it's me! Klaus. But the English version!"

There was still a feeling of doubt lingering in the crowd as they started throwing questions at him to ask if he wasn't Don Paolo in one of his disguises.

"Look, I'll prove it!" Clive opened the door to reveal...

Flora.

"Introducing, Aroma!"

Everybody was taken by surprise, even Flora gasped a little.

"Hello. I am the Japanese version of Flora Reinhold. Just as Klaus is the Japanese version of Clive" Aroma said.

Layton stumbled to his feet.

"First two Klauses, now two Floras? Am I seeing double?" He muttered, all this whirring in his head.

"I am going to go to Klaus in the Japanese world soon, so all the best for the new year. Clive" Aroma winked and then, she too disappeared.

"What just happened?" Layton asked whilst spinning around in dizziness.

"Well Clive appeared to replace Klaus and Clive started making out with Flora and Klaus went to Japan but nobody cared but then Aroma came through the door and introduced herself and went to Japan too and then Layton woke up and thought he was seeing double" Becky explained and breathed out in exhaustion at the end.

"Luke! Let me go!" Flora, who was in Luke's arms all this time, cried.

Flora straightened up to greet Clive.

"Let me show you something" Clive held out his hand to Flora as if he were a gentleman and led her outside.

(It is now 11:59pm)

Clive and Flora shared a moment together and hugged.

"Clive?" She asked.

"Yes Flora?" He smiled.

"Can I ask you for something?"

"What would that be?"

Flora paused before talking again.

"Kiss me."

The pair kissed until it was the new day of the new year before they pulled away.

"Can I ask you for something again?" Flora requested.

"Shall I kiss you?" Clive assumed.

So they kissed until it was one minute into the new year until it was Clive's turn to ask something.

"Why did you ask for me to kiss you twice?"

Flora turned to her watch and then looked back at Clive.

"Because it was the best finish to 2010...and the best start to 2011" Flora answered.

"Happy new year, Flora" Clive smiled.

"Happy new year, Clive" Flora returned the smile.

Cliche fireworks erupted in the background as Luke watched on disapprovingly out of the smashed window.

"I'll get you for this, Clive! I liked you better when you were Klaus!" Luke waved a fist in the air before he realised that he was looking out of a smashed window- so he fell out of it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLES! Love from TashaKanonFallenAngels :)


	4. Of Lost Hats and Scarf Balls

Professor Randomness

4. Of Lost Hats and Scarf Balls

So everything was boring yet again in the Layton household. Layton was knitting, Emmy was playing Call of Duty, Clive and Flora were making out and Luke had lost his hat. Uh oh.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY HAT?" He shouted, clearly annoyed.

Clive and Flora stopped making out and turned to look at him in pity. Luke threw a fit and started wailing while banging his fists on the floor.

"NOOOOO! MAH HAT! I LOST MAH HAT!"

"My boy, you can always buy ano-"Layton started, finishing his 45th scarf and wrapping it around Katia, who now looked like a giant fluffy ball.

"NO! THAT HAT HAD SENTIMENTAL VALUE! SENTIMENTAL, I SAY!"

Layton went around the room, asking people what they thought of the situation.

"I think this is stupid" Clive said.

"Heehee shiny!" Flora fingered a spoon.

"Muff muff...muff muff MUFF MUFF!" Katia cried from inside the scarf ball.

"WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?" Luke screamed.

The professor sighed and turned to Emmy as a last resort.

"It's a good thing we have another responsible adult in here..."

"YES! I KILLED EVERYONE! TAKE THAT! YEAHHH!" Emmy punched her fist in the air and did a little dance of triumph.

The professor rolled his eyes and poured some tea which wasn't there before.

"Professor, I'm a responsible adult!" Clive protested.

"Yeah, because a responsible adult destroys a fair amount of London, breaks out of jail and makes out with a sixteen year old!" Luke spat.

Clive opened his mouth to argue but then closed it. Luke was right.

_By the way, in order to actually get here, Clive broke out of jail. If it wasn't obvious already. _

Ok. So, where were we? Ah yes...

Luke thrashed on the floor and made angry sounds to unfitting music. Then everybody started caramelldansen. Then the world ended to unfitting music.

"NUUU!" Layton cried.

"LAAAYYTTOOON! You're supposed to be dead!" Younger Anton cried, in a similar fashion to what he cried in the game.

"If I'm supposed to be dead, what about you?"

"Dammit"

BUT THEN... with a wave of his wand, Edward Cullen magically restored the whole world and everyone was alive again. HOORAY.

So, after the caramelldansen madness, Klaus turned into a gorilla and yelled "THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAA!"

Clive raised an eyebrow at his Japanese self.

Klaura (My OC) burst through the roof and started making out with Clive randomly.

"HEY! YOU CANT JUST NAB MAH BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT!" Flora yelled, tearing the two apart.

"Unlike you, I'm LEGAL to be his boyfriend because I'm of LEGAL age! Isn't that right, LEGAL?" Klaura protested.

"Who's Legal?" Clived looked around, dumbstruck.

"Oh, you're so funny, Legal!"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

Klaus raised an eyebrow at his western self.

And with that, Flora leapt up and knocked out Edward Cullen, only to retrieve his wand. She jumped back down, and whisked Klaura away back to Neverland.

With Klaura gone, Flora glomped Clive and they started kissing...again. Clive is VERY popular with the ladies, it seems.

All of a sudden, rabid fangirls attacked Clive and started to strip him of his clothes.

"I GOT A CHUNK OF HIS HAIR! OMG!" A fangirl said, squealing in delight.

While the fangirls were practically mauling Clive, Descole was devising a plan to turn the moon into cheese so he could eat it- that's crazy Descole for you.

Ok, so, let's go into the home of Descole and look into the daily life of Descole.

"Why hello there! Come on in to my humble house!" Descole cheerfully smiled.

*Insert house full of machines, robots and destructive mobile fortresses*

"As you can see, my house is VERY quiet."

*Insert loud rackety noises that could get really annoying after a while*

"Here we have a photo album of my favourite memories with Layton!"

*Insert photos of Layton nearly dying and Descole nearly killing everyone and Descole destroying the world...*

"Finally, here are some of my home-made delights"

*Insert machines and robots and evil schemes everywhere*

"That is the end of the tour, come again soon!"

So that is the home of Descole and the daily life of Descole.

Meanwhile, back in the Layton household...

"Clive? Clive, where are you, swee-AAGH!" Flora screeched at the sight of Clive being half-naked, lying in a bed of torn up clothing.

He looked worse for wear. Wear. Geddit?

All of a sudden, Chelmey burst in and stared at Clive on the floor in confusion.

"What the sam heck~? ANYWAY, WE HEARED ABOUT YOUR LITTLE ESCAPADE, DOVE! YOU'RE COMING WITH ME BOI!" Chelmey grabbed Clive and dragged him to the police station.

Well, it would CERTAINLY be cold outside, that's for sure.


	5. Renesmee Dove?

**Ok...I had A LOT of giggles whilst writing this chapter :D I hope you enjoy. If you're a Clive-fangirl, you might find that this contains a lot of Clive-abuse. But this chapter has been a lot of fun to write. I don't own The Twilight (Crap) Saga, I don't own Professor Layton and the Malignant Growth and I don't own the Layton series itself. I hope you enjoy it. **

Professor Randomness

The Professor's Tea

The Professor had a tea. The Professor drank the tea. The Professor blew up. Everyone died.

**WTF? THAT WASN'T THE REAL STORY! Anyway...onto the REAL story.**

5. Renesmee Dove...? 

It was an ordinary day in the Layton household. Actually no it wasn't. Layton and Luke were playing dares, Flora was rolling in some mud and Clive was devising a plan to brutally murder the guards in order to escape again.

"Luke, I dare you to..." Layton giggled like a sorority girl.

"...drink insta-tea!"

Luke stared back in horror.

"But Fessah, you've always said that I should NEVER have insta-tea under ANY circumstances!" The young boy protested.

Layton merely chuckled in his sorority-like way and shoved the tea in Luke's mouth. Luke gagged- but failed to rid of the horrible poison in his throat.

The world went quiet for a few seconds apart from Flora, who was making strange sounds similar to GIR's fashion.

And then...

Suddenly...

Soon enough...

Please stop building suspense...

LUKE JUMPED TO THE CEILING.

"BAAASSSEEEBAAALL!" He screeched, jumping all around the room.

"ITS MAH BIRTHDAY- IM 42!"

"I LIVE ON THE MOON!"

"I TAKE COLLEGE NOTES ON FOIL PAPER!"

The professor facepalmed.

But then-

"Ooh! This reminds me of a puzzle!" He smiled, going off in his own little world.

So, I, as the author, have nothing to write about. So I'm going to entertain myself by having Clive knock on the door.

KNOCK KNOCK! Went the door.

"Who could that be?" Layton asked himself.

Nah, I'm going to have Clive bust down the door...whilst being sexy at the same time.

"NO!" Went the door as Clive busted it down.

"TELL MAH WIFE THAT I LOVE HER! TELL MAH KIDS THAT I LOVE THEM! OH THE PAIN!"

Clive ignored the door whilst being sexy and then leaned against the wall in a sexy style.

"I have an ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!" Clive announced sexily.

"I...AM GAY!"

Flora did a spit take, spitting out mud all over Bill Hawks.

The author then made that mud dog poop, so now Bill Hawks was covered in dog poop.

"C-C-CLIVE! I THOUGHT WE WERE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND!" Flora screeched.

"We were, until I had a one-night-stand with Dimitri!" Clive said whilst being sexy again.

Flora fainted, whilst the Professor just stared into space in shock.

"I WENT TO FIRST GRADE TODAY! MY HOUSE HAS THREE FRONT DOORS!" Luke screamed happily while jumping on Clive.

"Ow! Easy on me, I'm pregnant y'know!" Clive mentioned, pushing Luke off.

"CLIVE IS GAY AND PREGNANT? JESUS CHRIST CHEESE AND RICE!" Don Paolo exclaimed before running and jumping off into a random lake trying to intimidate everyone again.

"I LIKE POTATOES! I HAVE A TURTLE AND A MONKEY!"

"LUKE, SHUT THE F*CKING HELL UP!" Layton scolded, throwing Luke into a pool filled with piranhas.

"F*CK HAS 4 LETTERS IN IT!"

9 MONTHS LA- OH SCREW THAT, MAKE IT 9 SECONDS LATER-

"ARGH! THE BABY'S COMING!" Clive screeched.

"Hang on a sec- we haven't established who's the father yet...or who's the mother?" Descole complained.

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER! NOW PUSH!" Layton said over the havoc.

"Wait a second, how is that possible...?"

A HELL OF A LOT OF MENTAL IMAGES LATER BECAUSE THE AUTHOR DOESN'T EXACTLY FEEL LIKE WRITING ABOUT THEM...

Everyone crowded around the hospital bed and cooed at the weird little spawn Clive and someone mysterious had produced.

"Aww! He's so cute!" Anton announced, tickling the spawn in a cute way, before the spawn ate his finger.

"What's his name?" Claire, who was just strolling past time-lines like you do, asked.

"Renesmee!" Clive smiled.

Layton looked back with a look of confusion in a confused way.

"Why ever Renesmee? It's a he...isn't he?"

"Renesmee, because Renee and Esme were my parents' names!" Clive explained, looking fondly over to the spawn Renesmee.

"YOU HAD LESBO PARENTS?" Dahlia cried, making out with Claudia. At least THAT pairing wasn't homosexual.

"WAA DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY PARENTS!" Clive wept.

"And no, my parents were in fact, heterosexual. My mam was just called Renee. My husband's mother is named Esme!"

Everyone's jaw dropped.

So Clive was gay, pregnant and had a husband?

Clive observed the shocked faces around him and then gave another awesome evil laugh.

"WAHAHAHA! I HAVE FOOLED YOU!" Clive took off his clothes dramatically to reveal- his naked body.

Everyone stared back in a WTF? Way.

Clive chuckled sheepishly in embarrassment. And then- he took off his body to reveal- BELLA CULLEN!

Edward Cullen jumped out of the sky and picked up Renesmee. Together, the fairy family took off into fairyland, a double rainbow forming behind them.

And that, my darlings, is how Renesmee Cullen was REALLY born.

"I13'S A BIG NUMBER! MY NAME'S LAKWESHA JACKSON!" Luke's annoying voice was to be heard once again.

"So if Clive was really Bella off the Twilight (Crap) Saga, where's the REAL Clive?" Layton asked, very puzzled (No pun intended) indeed.

As if on cue, Clive kicked down the other door and stood in the shadows.

Even in the dark, the characters could see that he was dripping with blood.

"Oh I'm sorry for being so late, the guards put up quite a fight, but I... finished them off..." Clive gave a maniacal, sexy evil laugh before shooting everyone with a gun.

The evil Clive took off his costume once more to reveal- Don Paolo. Figures.

The REAL Clive (I mean it this time!) stepped out of the shadows next to Don Paolo and smirked.

"Hey Paolo! I bought a DS game called Professor Layton and the Unwo-"Clive giddily said before getting shot with Don Paolo's gun. He died sexily.

But then, Don Paolo took off his Don Paolo costume to reveal...Flora?

"THAT'S MY REVENGE! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR CHEATING ON ME, CLIVE!" Flora then gave a Candace-cackle and ran away.

"THAT'S THE END OF THE SHOW, FOLKS!" Sammy Thunder sang before getting shot by Flora's machine gun.


End file.
